Sex is often an important part of a relationship, but after major life changes like pregnancy and childbirth, many people find their sex drive takes a dip. According to the NHS, a loss of libido after having a baby is common, though it can take new parents by surprise.
Reality TV star and fitness coach Holly Hagan Blyth has spoken openly about her own struggles with intimacy after welcoming her son. Speaking on the CBeebies Parenting Helpline, she explained how her sex drive almost disappeared after giving birth in 2023.
“I could have said, ‘listen, if you don’t touch me ever again, I’m not even bothered,’ because that’s just how I felt at the time,” Holly admitted.
For Holly, even small gestures of affection felt overwhelming.
“Whenever I would cuddle Jacob or touch him, I thought it was going to lead to sex and I did not want that. I started associating affection with pressure, and it made me pull back.”
The Pressure to “Bounce Back” After Birth
Sex and relationship therapist Rachel Gold says many women mistakenly believe their six week postnatal check is the “green light” to resume sex.
“That really fools people into believing this must be the time to have sex again, but it is not true,” she explained.
Dr Jennifer Lincoln, an obstetrics and gynaecology specialist, agrees. She says postpartum healing takes time:
- The uterus needs around six weeks to return to pre pregnancy size.
- Vaginal or perineal tears may still be healing.
- Hormone shifts cause low estrogen, often leading to vaginal dryness and discomfort.
“These changes can impact libido just as much as physical recovery,” Dr Lincoln added. “In fact, the hormonal shift after birth is even more extreme than menopause.”
Open Conversations Can Ease the Strain
Holly said what helped most was being honest with her husband.
“As soon as I told Jacob, ‘when I cuddle you, please do not let it lead to sex,’ everything improved because the pressure was gone.”
Jacob, at first, worried Holly no longer found him attractive. But once they talked, he understood it was not about him.
“I told him, ‘this is my issue, I just need time to work through it,’” Holly shared.
It Is Not Just Women Who Struggle
Loss of libido after childbirth can affect fathers too. One listener on the CBeebies Parenting Helpline, Frankie, revealed her partner had also lost interest in sex three months after their baby’s arrival.
Rachel Gold explained: “Stepping into fatherhood can bring up all sorts of emotions. For some men, that can mean a drop in sexual desire, though it is not often spoken about.”
Fleur Parker from the NCT charity added that men’s emotional needs often get overlooked. “Honest conversations can make a huge difference, do not assume your partner knows how you are feeling.”
Practical Tips for Couples
Experts say the key is normalising the loss of libido and focusing on intimacy in new ways:
- Be patient with your body’s healing process
- Talk openly about feelings and expectations
- Redefine intimacy to include non sexual affection and emotional closeness
- Share household and childcare duties to reduce stress and pressure
- Seek professional help if intimacy issues cause ongoing conflict
Dr Lincoln advises: “Some couples adapt naturally, while others need counselling, sex therapy, or medical advice. What matters is recognising that needing support is normal.”
